


Wake Me Up

by starfilledeyes



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Smut, Smut in the future, i'm pretty much just releasing all my feels for this ship in this work umm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-08 07:50:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5489348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starfilledeyes/pseuds/starfilledeyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"And you will never know<br/>Just how beautiful you are to me<br/>But maybe I'm just in love<br/>When you wake me up"</p><p>John's in love with Dave and Dave is having trouble saying how he feels. But even if he did, he's worried it wouldn't fix the wounds he's already caused with his abrupt actions. Now it's up to Dave to catch John before he falls too far and finally heal what's been broken.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Adrift

Dave’s been missing for four days.

 

I guess I shouldn’t be as concerned as I am seeing how this has happened many times before. The last time he did this, he came back. Same with the time before that, and the time before that too. He once told me it was because our town didn’t offer enough adventure for him. At the time, I guess I was a little let down that I wasn’t enough for him. But, I think he realized that I felt that way when I got fed up with him. He patted my head and looked down at me with his stupidly handsome smirk and said, “You’re the only thing that makes me want to come home though.”

 

And that’s exactly why I’m so concerned.

 

This time, there was nothing leading up to it. He didn’t say “I think I’ll go away again” or drop any hints like it. In fact, before he left, we got into a fight. The worst one we’ve had.

 

It’s hard to not fight with your best friend every now and then, it’s actually quite normal for us to have small arguments. It doesn’t usually hurt either, knowing that we’re arguing. I always know we’ll make up and be pals again, going along like nothing happened, because it almost seems like nothing really did.

 

This time, I told him something I shouldn’t have. Something I really, really shouldn’t have.

 

And it hurts knowing that he’s gone with those being the last words I said. For once in a long time, it hurts to think about him.

 

\--

 

“John!” Dave shouted, chasing after me, “John, come on! Talk to me!”

 

There was no way I could look at him, let alone talk to him after seeing what I just did-

 

Dammit. I can’t think about it.

 

“John, seriously, tell me what happened!” Dave called out again, his voice almost sounding like he was really pleading with me. What a rarity.

 

But each time he spoke, the memory grew clearer.

 

I was only trying to go and see Dave, I knew he would be there, at the back of the school even in the summer. I just didn’t think that girl would be there too. With Dave’s lean body shadowing hers against the wall, one hand reaching up to her chin. Dammit! I don’t want to think about it!

 

He caught my arm (I don’t know why I thought I could outrun him, he was always faster than me), causing us both to stop by the park. “John...” Dave said, catching his breath, “Look at me.”

 

But I couldn’t. The touch of his arm raced back the image again. I think his arm was on the side of her head, a playful smirk on his face. His hand was still on her chin and his mouth was approaching hers at a faster speed than I would have liked. I couldn’t speak, so I just turned around to walk away. I guess Dave heard me, since he called my name. I didn’t look back at him then. I just walked, then I ran, and he followed. I still haven’t looked at him.

 

Christ, I can’t look at him... I know there are tears in my eyes. If he saw me, what would he think? That his actions were causing this? Would it give me away? Would he figure it all out?

 

If I looked at him, it would break everything I’ve been hiding.

 

I must have been silent for too long, because now he’s turned me. My head is down, but his hands move to rest on my shoulders. I’m staring at our shoes, the ones he bought me for Christmas last year and the ones I told him to get.

 

“John,” he says, composed and serious once again. I hate that I love the tone he says my name in. I hate that I love him. “Talk to me, did something happen?”

 

“No,” I lied. Maybe. It’s not like he didn’t know what happened, he just didn’t know that it was the thing causing me to run. I tried tugging away from him, but Dave knew how much stronger he was and used that to his advantage. I hated that too.

 

“Is it because of something I did?” his voice was softer now, “If it is, you have to tell me.”

 

I still can’t look at him when I say, “You’re so stupid.” I don’t mean it, but I grow angry as I stand there, with his efforts to comfort me falling to nothing. How can you comfort someone for something they did? How can anyone comfort me for something no one knows about? I had survived years of this friendship pretending to know nothing of my evident feelings for him. Now he’s here, in front of me, when moments ago, he was in front of a girl that I could never be. What am I supposed to do? Congratulate him? Because I was tired of doing that years ago, I see no need to continue this charade now.

 

“How am I stupid?” Dave asks calmly, a little too sarcastically.

 

I wipe his hands off of me and turn back around, stuffing my hands into my pockets, “Go back to that girl, you left her waiting,” I said.

 

“No,” Dave replied, “You tell me what’s going on right now.”

 

I can’t help but laugh and I’m also probably crying. Actually wait, am I crying? Definitely. “What’s going on?” I clench my fists and try not to sob, “I have spent so much time trying to figure that out, and now you expect an answer from me? How could you have been so dense?”

 

“John, stop. Just tell me,” Dave said, obviously growing impatient, his voice a little louder.

 

After I take a moment and realize I can’t do this, I try to leave, but he’s taken me again. He’s turned me towards him in some desperate attempt to keep me there. Right in front of him. He’s never been one to use actions before words.

 

“Look at me right now,” Dave demands, and the ice of his voice finally causes me to look up at him. I can’t see his real reaction of my crying through his sunglasses, but I can tell by the softened grip that he’s surprised, “Why are you upset? Tell me.”

 

When I don’t respond, he shakes me a little, and I finally spew out words, “Fuck, Dave. I can’t stand having to do this anymore!”

 

“Do what? Do you not want to be friends anymore?” Dave asks, seeming hurt but still strong. It makes me a bit envious.

 

“How come you get to go around with girls like none of them matter?” I shout.

 

His eyebrow quirks a little, “How is that your business?”

 

I shove him off of me somehow and shout more, “Wasn’t it always my business? Being the wing-man, the one who got to see you end up with the girl at every endpoint, while I chased my goddamn tail over here trying to make sense of my own feelings?”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“I’m talking about how many times I’ve looked at you and wondered how many girls you’ve kissed and how many times I’ve wanted to. Every time you’ve grazed my hand, held me, hugged me, curled into me, cried with me, laughed... It’s not fair,” my voice is lowering and I’m sobbing, “it’s never been fair...”

 

“John,” Dave reaches out for me and then stops and lowers his hand. I’ve just realized what I’ve said and seeing him do that hurt just a bit more. My gaze still manages to meet him and he’s standing there, dumbfounded, acting like he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

 

I run.

 

That time, he doesn’t follow.

 

I woke up the next day and he was gone from our town again and as the four days passed by, I realized I wasn’t quite sure if he would come back this time.

 

I wasn’t quite sure of anything.


	2. Distant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is in Dave's point of view.

I miss John. More than usual.

 

I’ve done this so many times, just leaving without knowing when I’ll come back, only knowing that I will. He’s always the one I keep in mind too. Floppy black hair, dorky smile, perfect round cheeks, and these cute lips he always licks over when he’s focused on something intensely.

 

Yeah, my response wasn’t the best. It wasn’t cool of me to just leave him there, let him go running. I was thinking about whether I should say something back. But I couldn’t get my brain to work fast enough to respond.

 

Then I left. I was the one who went running in the end.

 

I always come back and John knows that. It doesn’t help that I’m being eaten with guilt at all this. I left to clear my head, not to fill it with more shit. But damn... He’s probably worrying a lot.

 

He wasn’t supposed to see what he did nonetheless. I should stop making petty deals with people for money. They always expect something a little extra, and I’m never willing to pay up to it. It wasn’t the first time someone had done that either.

 

I went to get my money. Everyone knows I’m at the back of the shitty high school we all graduated from, even in the Summer. Especially in the Summer.

 

This time, the girl wanted to know if her boyfriend was cheating on her. Luckily, I knew the guy from high school since he dated Jade at one point, so we had small conversations every now and then. I got the evidence that he wasn’t cheating from talking to friends and scrolling through phone conversations. He was spending a lot of time with Jade again because Jade knows a lot about this game he wanted to play. Talk about a paranoid girlfriend. Jade would never do something like she was thinking.

 

With that in mind, I already didn’t like this girl. I went to give the evidence, feeling particularly irritated to have done so much work for something that didn’t even matter. As I handed it to her and explained the situation, she started expecting something from me.

 

I grew annoyed quite fast at her stupid game and decided to turn the tables (which I’m quite experienced in doing). It was just gonna be a small action. I was gonna pin her, tell her to focus on her stupid boyfriend who’s head over heels for her – luckily enough – and tell her to fuck off.

 

When I was leaning down to her, more for dramatic effect than anything else, I heard someone nearby. It’s a sticky situation. I’ve been caught doing something even I knew was a bit too far.

 

It would have been fine if it was anyone else. Anyone but John.

 

He was trying to be quiet, but I’ll be damned if I ever see him try to be sneaky and succeed. I stopped what I was doing immediately and called out after him, but he was running all of a sudden. I turned to the girl, told her what I wanted, then left after him.

 

Now I understand why he was running. I could have let him go and then explained later. He would have believed it, he usually does. But, it’s more complicated now. I’m in a situation I never even imagined. I wouldn’t say I didn’t have feelings for John. Hell, I wouldn’t say that at all. It’s hard to not like a guy like John. I’ve seen it before. Girls like the nerdy guys, some like the cool ones. John and I have always been a team when it came to this.

 

But I was really good at hiding my feelings. I guess he was too. For a while.

 

I’m not certain if I want to go back this time. I can tell myself I’m an asshole and keep that up to uphold a reputation. But John’s my weakness. John’s always been my weakness. Then I made him cry.

 

The memory of it is haunting me, looking down at him and being so thankful he couldn’t see my own eyes. I wanted to reach out and comfort him like I always do, and like he always does for me. Like he did for such a long time. But I was the reason he was hurt and crying. What do I do then?

 

Let him run? Let him stay hurt? Then leave without even a goodbye? Leave it for him to stay hurt and confused and put every mistake I had made on himself?

 

What a moronic decision for a moron like me.

 

 

 

I walk into my house and drop my bags at the door. After coming home from these trips, the first thing I do is see John. I’m not sure if I should yet. I’m having difficulty making a lot of decisions it seems.

 

I stomp up to my room and immediately play some music from the CD John gave me. I want him here so badly. He’s always been smaller than me, even when he wears those big hoodies. I kind of love that about him. It’s so easy to curl up with him and let him get annoyed when I press his face against my chest.

 

As I collapse on my bed, I feel myself be overwhelmed with memories of our sleepovers, night after night. Last summer, he practically lived here with me. The summer before senior year. I remember once, playing this CD, with him beside me, both of us looking up at the ceiling.

 

It was dark aside from the Christmas lights I had hung up in my room. When I turned to him, he was already looking at me. I wanted to kiss him then. Damn. Why didn’t I?

 

He reached out lazily and took off my sunglasses, tossing them onto the nightstand. He didn’t even turn to look back at me. He’s seen me without them hundreds of times. It wasn’t a big deal to him anymore. But every time he did it, I felt him grow on me even more.

 

“You know John,” I said, “you’re kind of awesome.”

 

He giggles like the nerd he is and turns to me. Floppy black hair falling across his eyes. I’m so desperate to reach out and clear it from them, but I don’t want to scare him off. Since then, I’ve done it before. Once or twice.

 

Then he gives me a dorky smile, “You’re kind of awesome too.” He says.

 

I want to kiss him so badly. I want to roll over on top of him and cup his stupidly adorable round cheeks and then just mash my lips to his. Maybe I’d do it gently. I was doubtful I would be able to control myself to do that though.

 

The memory kind of stops itself as the next song comes on. In my head, there’s still him. Licking his cute lips to focus on beating me in Mario Kart or concentrating on a recipe he’s bound to mess up. Maybe he’s right beside me again like he's supposed to be. I turn on my side and stare at the empty spot, resting my hand where I knew he used to be. I wanted to kiss him when he was crying. I wanted to do something. Make him better. I just... I couldn’t. I could never. What kind of cool guy is too chicken to kiss someone anyway?

 

I miss him. So badly.

 

Then I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I have to go and see him or the mere image of him in my head will eat at me slowly. I need to finally fix this. No more running away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it begins.
> 
> Okay, so I felt like Dave needed some justice!! Plus, who doesn't wanna hear how Dave really feels?
> 
> Reviews are appreciated. I know where I want this to go and whatnot, but I'm still not certain if it should be finished?   
> (Probably. I should probably finish it.)


	3. Reconvene

John’s sitting right there, and he’s almost the exact same.

 

 

The summer sun has kissed his cheeks with faint freckles, far less than my own, but enough to compliment his rosy cheeks. And I’m standing here trying to remember how blue his eyes are, because his head is down, glued to the hands folded in his lap.

 

 

I try to think of an action plan first or at least a plan of what to say. But for some reason, my eyes don’t move from him and neither does my head, because it’s been nearly a week without him and now he’s here, sitting on the swing where we used to hang out and _christ_. I missed him. So I move without thinking and sit on the swing next to him, not looking at him, just staring at the horizon. I can tell he looks at me though, and out of the corner of my eye, I see him smile.

 

 

“How was your adventure?” He asks, and it’s so like him to not address the issue right away. But it’s settling and relaxes me into the conversation.

 

 

“It could have been better,” I say, shrugging, “What’s an adventure to a boy if he doesn’t have a companion?”

 

 

He laughs a little and swings a little bit. He doesn’t even seem nervous. I hope I don’t either. “True. Where would Jake be without Finn after all?” He says and I can’t help but let out a small laugh.

 

 

“So I’m the dog?” I question and he’s already looking at me again, nodding. This time, I look back at him and smile so much wider upon seeing his. I was worried about change and awkwardness. I guess I forgot who I was dealing with.

 

 

“I missed you.” I blurt out, not really regretting it, and he tucks his hands around the chains of the swing, his gaze moving down, “Not to be cheesy.” I add, moving my own gaze to the ground as well. Our heads are so close that I think his black full hair might just reach out and touch my bleach blonde strands.

 

 

“Did you think a lot?” John asks, his voice so quiet, I wouldn’t have been able to hear it if his head wasn’t right in front of mine, “Because I did.”

 

 

I bite my lip and look up at his face that’s still so close to mine, “I didn’t stop thinking about you.” I say, leaning in to press my forehead against his. Then the both of us are quiet for a moment.

 

 

My breath was quicker and I couldn’t tell if his was too because I was so freaked out that I could feel my heartbeat going faster with each second of anticipation. “Um,” he begins, his voice shaky and I realize his head against mine is shaking too, “I _really_ missed you.”

 

 

It doesn’t take me long to realize he’s crying a little. But this time, I don’t run.

 

 

I move my hand to where his is on the chain of his swing. He presses his head against my chest and I’m worried he can hear my heart’s fast pace, but far more concerned about the pain I caused him. My other hand moves to his head where it soothes his hair.

 

 

“John,” I begin, taking a deep breath, trying to clear my head to think of anything but his name, “John,” I say again, feeling my thoughts lose themselves in the moment as well as my words, then all I can really find myself saying is “I’m sorry” over and over. He pulls back and looks at me, moving my sunglasses onto the top of my head. My hand that’s on his head moves to his face to clear his tears from his cheeks. He smiles and laughs softly, his breath cold compared to the hot summer air, “I love your eyes,” He says.

 

 

“And I love yours, Egbert.”

 

 

It’s one of those many times that I desperately want to kiss him. But I don’t.

 

 

When we get to my house, we talked about what happened before. I explained what the girl and I were doing, and he told me that he was talking out of his ass before without really thinking and part of me doesn’t want to believe it, but I told him I did.

 

 

And then neither of us went into depth about what that meant for us or his feelings (or mine which he still doesn’t know about).

 

 

I went to sleep with him beside me, happy to have things back to normal.

 

 

But when I turned my body to him and matched our hands together as he slept, it was like I was being reminded of how much I love him. This helpless love he’s never even completely revealed was as evident as it’s ever been. I’m a lot better than he is at keeping my own secrets, but I’m not even sure if this is one that I even want to keep.

 

 

He previously said he wanted to forget about it, as if his confession never happened. He said that’s what he wanted and I said I would agree. But his smile following it seemed as untruthful as my promise.

 

 

I’ve stopped running away now. I’ve come back to him. Maybe it’s time to stop ignoring my feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone's Christmas was swell and if you don't celebrate it, I hope you've had a fantastic week <3


End file.
